Beyond the walls of the church

It is vital that we never forget the power of God beyond the walls of the church building.

I grew up in a decent size town north of Boston. Almost everyone there drops their rs, “cah (car), watah (water), and so on. Let’s not forget to mention how often the word, “wicked” is added for great influence to sentences. This is the place where Catholics are a culture and you were either born Catholic and going to do all the Catholic things or you were just over to the side without a label in the faith column. Growing up when I had to fill out medical paperwork with the question of religious preference, my mom would always just tell me to check the “Christian” option. I guess I never thought twice about checking that box yet never attending a church. But it was a cultural thing.

Fast forward to years later when I got married young to a man in the United States Air Force and decided I was going to do the whole military spouse thing. This was my ticket to travel, and move around…alot. I guess I just didn’t think I would be packing and unpacking my entire life as much as I did. We managed to live in all four of the time zones in the continental United States. We finally landed in Las Vegas Nevada with our then 3 month old son in tow. This was going to be the move that eventually shifted everything in my life…This is the place where some of the biggest heartbreaks and part of me died….but this is also the place where resurrection with Christ was inevitable.

I hit a place in Vegas that I thought was my rock bottom place. My marriage was completely falling apart. I had a two year old that seemed behind developmentally, I had no family or friends there and I was just so alone. The loneliness grew to a whole new level when I found a text message between my husband and a co-worker. My world was crumbling in everyway possible and I had no idea where to turn. The thing no one knew at the time was I was also scared of my husband. He had a raging temper that if I confronted him there was a good chance I was going to have things thrown at me, my son would get some of his wrath, and screaming anger was guaranteed. There was alot that happened in the between of this, but where the story matters is my husband, a once Atheist, porn seeking, and anger driven man came face to face with God and He laid down His life to Him. I became so curious about this new faith and my son and I started going to church with him. This is when God first introduced Himself to me, and I pushed back in my flesh. I wasn’t easily going to accept something I simply couldn’t understand. I mean I felt I was already a good person, always trying to do the right thing, why would I need some unknown entity that just comes with a whole lot of rules that I wasn’t sure I agreed with?

The Pastor was so patient with me. He asked me some hard questions and I love to share these truths when I preach and speak . He helped break down all my inner walls and show me who Christ really is and I became to know why following was the only way forward at this juncture. He handed me my very first bible and hoped that even if I didn’t find God in what people were saying, he hoped I would find God in the truth of His word.

Now if I said I became saved and completely bought into all the church things, I would be lying. I grew abundantly in my faith and I was on the path to a God centered Holy life, but I still had a long way to go. What I didn’t know at the time was I still hadn’t hit my rock bottom, yet….

I was attending church. I was constantly trying to learn more and wanted to do more good. I knew God was in my life but I still didn’t understand what that really meant and I still didn’t feel like I belonged in any of these churches. I constantly felt like an outsider and something constantly felt “off.” The next chapter unfolded with tragedy after tragedy. I became pregnant with our daughter, after a very trying time period of trying to be foster parents. Half way through my pregnancy I began having unexplainable seizures, my heart rate was through the roof, I kept slurring and seemed like I was having strokes. No one knew what was happening to my body, but I was scared for my daughter and myself. I was getting worse the more pregnant I became and couldn’t even brush my own hair or eat food on my own. My body was shutting down and they needed to take her early. Praise God she was perfectly fine, but I still had a long road to recovery. Two weeks into that recovery….that’s when my world as I ever knew it was over. The unthinkable happened… (this is story I will get into in a few years when my kids are older but for now just know this is the turning point of how true faith in God was going to be the only survival guide for my kids and I)

We abruptly were moved to Arkansas without even looking in the rear view mirror of the home we had built. Life as I knew it was officially over and the only thing I could cling to was “Jesus I need you….”, my daughter was always tightly swaddled to my chest, and my hand was always tightly clasped with my five year old boy….our lives were forever changed.

This was the beginning of the forever change in my heart and in my life…God was the only rescuer from here!

If you are curious on how this lead to my fulltime ministry life, click here